Many people have been emotionally wounded at some point in their lives. These wounds can create a weakness in us that makes us vulnerable to sex addiction. Some common wounds that contribute to sex addiction are molestation, rejection, abuse and neglect. A natural reaction is to seek something to remove the pain of our wounds, and to help us get our minds off it. Since sex can be such a pleasurable experience, people often run to it as a source of medication for the pain.
For example, a person may find solace in pornography from the pain of rejection, past failures, or insecurity. Porn facilitates his or her sexual fantasy, which offers them the feeling of being in control , being loved and/or being sexually desired. It may give him or her a temporary comfort which soothes the pain of their troubles.
Porn’s pleasures come with a price. They feed a fire in us called lust. Lust is “intense or unbridled sexual desire” (Webster’s). Lust acts like a fire that burns out of control. It tries to consume more and more of our thoughts and resources. The more we feed our mind with sex images, the more lust grows in our life.
The power of lust can be broken! It may be obvious, but easy to forget that we have the power to choose what we watch and what we think about. Here are a few practical steps toward exercising your power to choose and breaking lust’s grip on your life:
1. Reduce/eliminate fuel for your lust: If you were attempting to put out a raging fire, what actions would you take? One thing you wouldn’t do would be to keep putting logs on the fire, right? Likewise, in putting out the fires of lust, we must stop adding fuel.
A good exercise to do: Take a moment to identify the fuel sources for your lust. What actions can you take to reduce or eliminate those sources? For example, internet porn is a common fuel source for lust. One way to reduce or eliminate it is by installing “filtered access,” that blocks porn sites from your computer. Other possible actions to take include:
- Throw out your porn collection (videos, magazines, saved images, etc.)
- Cancel movie rental accounts and subscriptions to porn sources
- Purge your “favorite websites” list on your web browser
- Stop going to the “personals” adds/sites
- Change your email address and/or provider (if email porn solicitations are a source of trouble for you)
2. Invest your time in something positive: Take the time that is freed up from your actions in step one and invest it in doing something positive to help others and yourself. For example, you could join a support group. Support groups offer a variety of benefits. They can help you break secrecy concerning your struggle and connect with other people who are similar situations as you. Other “time investments” suggestions could be:
- Physical exercise
- Spend quality time with your family
- Get together with a friend/call a friend
- Spend time in nature
- Start a hobby
- Serve others (volunteer at the soup kitchen, visit the elderly, Big Brothers, etc.)
These actions will help you get started on the road to “sexual sobriety,” but there is something else we’d like to share. We believe that in order to find lasting freedom from sexual addiction, you will need to be at peace with God. When we’re at peace with God, we receive power to live truly changed lives – to live as a new person. For more information about this, please visit our Peace with God page.
Other pages of interest:
Why Porn is Bad
Freedom Stories
Destruction Stories
Author’s Story