November 4th
“Remember, O LORD , your great mercy and love, for they are from of old. Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you are good, O LORD.” Psalm 25:6-7 NIV
“Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” Genesis 2:22-24 NIV
“Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” Hebrews 13:4 NKJV
In my high school years, I devoted a lot of time to dating. I was actively involved with my church youth group and knew what the Bible said concerning premarital sex. In fact, I even taught a class in youth group about Christian dating. Even so, the relationships I was involved in always seem to head toward physical affection. Two factors that contributed to this were that for years I had been masturbating and allowing my mind to freely lust after girls in my school. The outward Christianity that I adhered to didn’t quite make it into my heart of hearts.
When I went to college I settled on one particular girl as my “steady” girlfriend. I was “faithful” to her (for the most part) by not dating anyone else for four years, and expected her to do the same. Since she lived out of state, there were lots of phone calls and letters. We tried to spend every holiday and long weekend together if possible. There was lots of physical affection which eventually led to sexual activity. We both felt that we would get married after graduating from college, so that helped soften our consciences about what we were doing. As expected, the sexual activity moved to center stage of our relationship. I became more controlling and manipulative and less loving. After four years of living as if we were already married, we broke up as strangers with plenty of emotional baggage.
In the years that followed, I married a wonderful woman, was delivered from pornography addiction and moved on with life. Even with all the healing that God has done in me, I still feel the wounds of the broken bond of my former relationship. I sometimes have dreams about trying to be reconciled with her, but am unable to communicate even a word. Every now and then there are the passing thoughts about how things might have been had we stayed together. I recognize these thoughts and dreams as temptations from the enemy. I have a strong, healthy marriage today, and know that the devil would really like to destroy that with temptations from the past.
Fornication is sexual activity before (or outside of) marriage. Sex creates a union of soul and body between the people involved (Malachi 2:15, Genesis 2:24), but the strength of the union seems to depend on the depth of the relationship. For example, a four year sexual relationship will probably create a stronger bond or “soul tie” than a one night encounter. The soul ties can affect people in various ways, which are usually negative if the relationship was based in sin. Common sense tells us that if God designed us to be united with one person, then having multiple sex partners is going to cause emotional confusion. And that’s exactly what happens!
Thankfully, we can pray and ask God to break the unholy unions that fornication causes. I’ve seen several people set free from the effects of soul ties through prayer, and I, too, have received much healing in this area. Even so, I’ve found that it takes time for such deep wounds to heal completely. I think this reflects the seriousness of sexual sin and how deeply it damages us. God had good reasons for restricting sexual activity to the security of marriage. It’s such a deep and powerful union. Like a nuclear reaction needs a shielded containment vessel, so sex needs a strong, committed marriage to contain it.
If you’ve been involved in a sexual relationships outside of marriage, I encourage you to confess the sin you committed (if you haven’t already) and ask God to cut you free from the unholy bonds that were developed. Then, be patient and allow God to help you deal with issues involved and heal from the wounds.
Questions for further thought:
Please list the persons who you had sexual relations with other than your spouse. (include x-spouses)
Have you noticed any negative symptoms today that could be linked to your past relationships with those people?
How can our faith in Jesus help us in the healing process from the memories of sexual sin? (Hebrews 9:14)
Prayer:
“Lord God, thank you for the wonderful, powerful gift of sex. I agree with your word that sex is to be contained exclusively in marriage. I recognize the damage sexual sin has caused in my life. I confess the sexual sins I committed with: _______________ (list names). I repent from those acts and pray for the cleansing of my mind through the blood of Jesus. Father, please cut me free in the name of Jesus from any unhealthy soul ties that were made between those persons and me. Please restore and reintegrate any part of me that has been mixed up with them and return and reintegrate any part of them that has been mixed up with me. (pause in silent prayer) Thank you, Father! I receive your healing today and praise you! In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.”